When Pleasure Becomes A Prison

A Glimpse behind the struggle

Cory sat alone in their dimly lit apartment, their knee bouncing anxiously as they tried to fight the urge creeping over them. They clenched their fists, frustrated, ashamed. It was gym time—Cory had planned their whole evening around it—but here they were again, battling the same compulsion that had already won twice today.

The first time had been early this morning, right after waking up. It was supposed to be a fresh start, a new day, but within minutes, the craving had taken hold, and they gave in. Again. The second time was just before lunch, as they were getting ready to head out for a break. They had told themselves it would only be a minute, just enough to get the thought out of their head. But it hadn’t been a minute. It never was.

Now, for the third time today, the cycle was beginning again. Cory wasn’t aroused. They didn’t even want to do it. But the thought wouldn’t go away, the tension building in their chest, the need to relieve it overriding all logic. They knew what would happen next—if they gave in now, it would be another two or three hours before they could pull themselves together. Their entire evening would be thrown off. This had been their life for the past three months. They kept telling themselves they had it under control, but deep down, they knew they didn’t. It was getting worse, consuming more of their time, their energy, their confidence. And they were too embarrassed to ask for help.

Facts about Masturbation

Research indicates that individuals across all age groups engage in masturbation, with certain demographics finding it more prevalent than partnered sexual activity. Notably, both adolescents and those aged 70 and above report higher rates of masturbation compared to sexual intercourse with a partner.(Herbenick et al., 2010).

In terms of frequency, approximately 25% of men aged 18 to 59 masturbate a few times per month to weekly, about 20% engage in the behavior 2 to 3 times weekly, and less than 20% do so more than 4 times a week. Older men are more likely to report no masturbation in the past year. For women, the majority report masturbating once a week or less. (International Society for Sexual Medicine, n.d.).

The motivations behind masturbation also differ between genders. Women tend to masturbate more when they are sexually active and satisfied with their sex lives, using masturbation to complement their existing sexual experiences. Conversely, men often masturbate more when they have less frequent sexual activity and are less content with their sexual relationships, using masturbation as a compensatory mechanism.These patterns highlight the complex and varied nature of sexual behavior across different age groups and between genders.

What Is Compulsive Masturbation?

Compulsive masturbation—sometimes referred to as hypersexuality or compulsive sexual behavior disorder—occurs when an individual obsessively thinks about masturbation and acts on these urges even when they don’t want to. This behavior often leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and distress, yet it continues in a repetitive cycle. When masturbation  interferes with a persons work life , social life, and relationships; or irritates the genitals. It has moved from pleasure to prison and has entered the realm of compulsive problematic masturbation.

Unlike healthy sexual activity, compulsive masturbation is not a choice—it’s a loss of control. It can disrupt daily life, harm relationships, and even escalate into other problematic behaviors, such as pornography addiction, sex addiction, or, in severe cases, illegal activities.

Compulsive Masturbation and the Brain

Compulsive masturbation is not just about the act itself—it’s about the entire ritual leading up to it. Neurologically, the brain releases dopamine not only during masturbation but also beforehand, as the individual fantasizes, anticipates, or prepares to engage in the behavior.

The Pre-Masturbation Dopamine Surge – The brain begins releasing dopamine the moment an individual starts fantasizing or engaging in any ritual that leads to masturbation. This means that even before the act occurs, the brain is already reinforcing the compulsive cycle.

The Addiction to the Ritual – Over time, the brain learns to crave not just the act of masturbation, but the entire process leading up to it—whether that’s fantasizing, seeking privacy, or specific habits that trigger the compulsion.

Dopamine Desensitization – Because the brain is being flooded with dopamine repeatedly throughout the day, it starts requiring more stimulation to achieve the same level of satisfaction. This leads to increased frequency, loss of control, and a sense of never feeling fully "satisfied."

Prefrontal Cortex Impairment – The part of the brain responsible for impulse control and decision-making weakens, making it increasingly difficult to resist urges, even when the individual does not want to act on them.

Who Struggles with Compulsive Masturbation?

While compulsive masturbation is often associated with men, studies show that women also experience this struggle, though they may be less likely to seek help due to social stigma. Research suggests that approximately 5-6% of men and 1-2% of women suffer from compulsive sexual behavior disorder. The disparity may be partly due to differences in social conditioning, hormonal influences, and the ways men and women express compulsive sexual behaviors. Regardless of gender, the emotional distress and impact on daily life remain significant.

Gender Differences in Compulsive Masturbation

While compulsive masturbation affects individuals of all genders, research indicates differences in prevalence and patterns:

Prevalence: Studies have found that men report higher frequencies of masturbation compared to women. For instance, approximately 35.9% of men and 8.8% of women reported masturbating at least once a week in the prior year. 

Concerns About Addiction: Research indicates that 11.8% of men and 3.4% of women have concerns about being addicted to sexual behaviors. (Grubbs et al., 2020).

Clinical Diagnoses: In clinical settings, some studies have found a higher prevalence of compulsive sexual behavior disorder among women (75%) compared to men (45%).(Kraus et al., 2016)

Why Does This Happen?

Compulsive masturbation can stem from a variety of factors, including psychological, neurological, and environmental influences. Some of the most common causes include:

Psychological Factors – Anxiety, depression, unresolved trauma, or emotional distress can drive individuals to use masturbation as a coping mechanism. The temporary dopamine release provides relief, reinforcing the behavior.

Neurological Wiring – Some people may be more prone to compulsive behaviors due to genetic predispositions or imbalances in brain chemistry, making it harder for them to regulate impulses.

Social and Environmental Factors – Loneliness, stress, lack of meaningful human connection, or easy access to triggers can all reinforce compulsive behavior. For some, it becomes an escape from difficult emotions or overwhelming life situations.

Early Exposure to Sexual Stimuli – Individuals who were exposed to sexual content or experienced sexual arousal at an early age may have developed an unhealthy association with self-stimulation. This early wiring can make compulsive behaviors more likely, as their brain learned to seek out self-pleasure as a means of regulation long before they had the emotional tools to manage urges healthily.

Escalation of Habitual Behavior – What starts as a normal and healthy practice can turn into a compulsive cycle when done excessively. Over time, the brain starts craving not only the act but the entire ritual leading up to it, making it harder to break free from the pattern.

Because of these factors, compulsive masturbation is rarely just about physical pleasure—it’s often deeply tied to emotional and neurological patterns that require intentional effort and support to overcome.

Breaking Free: Steps Toward Recovery

Recovering from compulsive masturbation requires a combination of self-awareness, behavioral strategies, and, in many cases, professional support. Here are key steps individuals can take to regain control:

1. Recognize the Triggers

Understanding what triggers the urge—whether it’s stress, boredom, loneliness, or specific environments—can help individuals implement strategies to avoid or manage them. Keeping a journal to track these triggers can provide valuable insights.

2. Develop Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Since compulsive masturbation is often used as a way to manage stress or uncomfortable emotions, finding healthier alternatives is crucial. Exercise, meditation, creative outlets, and social engagement can help redirect energy into more constructive activities.

3. Limit Access to Triggers

For those struggling with pornography-related compulsions, setting up content restrictions, using accountability apps, or changing routines to minimize temptation can be effective.

4. Practice Delayed Gratification

When the urge arises, setting a timer to delay acting on it can help strengthen impulse control. Even delaying by a few minutes can break the automatic response and allow time to reassess the need.

5. Seek Professional Support

Therapists specializing in compulsive behaviors or sex addiction can provide cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and other evidence-based strategies to help manage urges and rewire thought patterns.

 Support groups like Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) or online communities can also offer guidance and accountability.

6. Build a Strong Support System

Overcoming compulsive masturbation can be isolating, but confiding in a trusted friend, partner, or support group can help reduce shame and provide encouragement. Accountability partners can also check in on progress and offer motivation.

7. Focus on Overall Mental and Emotional Well-being

Addressing underlying issues such as anxiety, depression, or trauma can be essential in breaking the cycle. Engaging in therapy, practicing self-care, and maintaining a balanced lifestyle contribute to long-term recovery.

The Path to Freedom

Compulsive masturbation, like any behavioral addiction, is not about weakness—it’s about the brain’s learned patterns and the struggle to regain control. While the journey to recovery can be challenging, it is entirely possible with the right mindset, strategies, and support. For Corey—and countless others—acknowledging the problem is the first and most important step. From there, with patience, persistence, and the willingness to seek help, freedom from compulsive urges is within reach.

Seeking Help

If you or someone you know struggles with a sex addiction, please know we at The Trinity Integrative Holistic Medicine & Counseling Services PLLC understand the complexity and the deep emotional turmoil it causes. ​We provide outpatient ​services via telehealth ​to those battling addictions and mental health. Our Founder and CEO, Vannah Hughes, is an addiction expert dedicated to helping those who struggle with compulsive sexual behaviors find a path to healing. Whether you're battling shame, struggling to regain control, or seeking support, we are here to guide you through recovery.

There is hope, and help is available. We have a great clinical team of experienced therapists who provide guidance for individuals caught in these cycles, offering professional treatment strategies tailored to each person's unique challenges.

You don’t have to navigate this alone—help is available, and recovery is within reach.

Written By : Vannah Hughes, MA,NCAC-II, LCDC , CSAT , RYT-200

References:

• Grubbs, J. B., Grant, J. T., & Engelman, J. (2020). Who feels affected by "out of control" sexual behavior? Prevalence and correlates of indicators consistent with compulsive sexual behavior disorder in a national sample of US adults. Journal of Behavioral Addictions, 11(3), 900–911. https://doi.org/10.1556/2006.2020.00054
• Herbenick, D., Reece, M., Schick, V., Sanders, S. A., Dodge, B., & Fortenberry, J. D. (2010). Sexual behavior in the United States: Results from a national probability sample of men and women ages 14–94. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 7(5), 255–265. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2010.02012.x
• International Society for Sexual Medicine. (n.d.). What is the "normal" frequency of masturbation? Retrieved from https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-qa/what-is-the-normal-frequency-of-masturbation
• Kraus, S. W., Voon, V., & Potenza, M. N. (2016). Should compulsive sexual behavior be considered an addiction? Addiction, 111(12), 2097–2106. https://doi.org/10.1111/add.13297